There was a time when it looked as though the incident in which the Texas grandmother killed a 12-foot alligator in order to avenge the death of her mini-horse would continue to reign supreme as the year’s most bonkers animal story.
But it now appears that Alabama has glanced over at the Lone Star State and drunkenly drawled, “Hold my beer.”
The furry fella in the photo above goes by the name of Deeznutz, and his harrowing saga has captured the internet’s attention in a major way this week.
Representatives for the sheriff’s office in Limestone County, Alabama (Hey, at least it’s not Florida, for once!) say they apprehended Mr. Nutz when his owner, 35-year-old Mickey Paulk, was apprehended after ramming a police vehicle.
It turned out that several warrants had been issued for Paulk’s arrest, and the suspected drug dealer is being held without bail.
Deeznutz has been returned to his woodland home.
If that were the entire story, the rest of the nation likely would have just shrugged and chalked this up to another case of Alabama being Alabama.
But as it turns out, Deez was not your typical pet squirrel.
(We assume there’s such a thing as a “typical pet squirrel” in Alabama.)
You see, Paulk claimed to have kept his furry friend on a strict regimen of training and household-cleaner based hard drugs in order to transform Deez into what’s been described as “meth-fueled attack squirrel.”
Obviously, this is one of those stories that raises more questions than it answers.
Will squirrels willingly ingest amphetamines?
Can they actually be trained?
Is there footage out there of a tweaked-out Deeznutz leaping on some unsuspecting trespasser and making string cheese out of his face?
We may never know, and that’s probably for the best.
For one, if such footage existed, it would probably serve to glorify the kind of horrific animal abuse of which Paulk has been accused.
On top of that, the more details that emerge, the sadder this story is sure to become.
In all likelihood, there was nothing badass or funny about Deeznutz’s relationship with his owner — he was probably just an abused animal being force-fed drugs by his scum-of-the-earth owner.
Whatever the case, Paulk most definitely deserves a hard kick to the nuts.
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