‘Alpha male David Ginola gets my I’m a Celeb vote – even if he is French’

If there's one man who knows what he’s doing going down ­under in a bush it’s David Ginola.

I know I’m A Celeb is once again back in a freezing castle in Wales rather than Oz but rude jokes and footballers kind of go together like, er, the Welsh and sheep.

Though there’s also an interesting vein of comedy to mine in shafting gags but monsieur Ginola is now a very ’appily married man, merci beaucoup.

He’s also one of the hot favourites to win this year’s rumble in a non-jungle. Possibly because he’s one of the few French men not helping dinghy-wielding migrants cross the Channel which instantly gets my vote.

And of course in today’s woke, love-thy-neighbour world, we have to be nice to the French don’t we? Jokes about cheese-eating surrender monkeys are not PC these days as someone, somewhere will be offended – even if they couldn’t find France on a map.

Which is a shame because there’s nothing our Gallic chums and us Brits like more than to look down our noses at each other.

Though granted, it’s trickier in their case as their hooters are usually blocked with years of garlic bothering.

But the ladies, and a fair few men, love this year’s alpha male especially when he’s keeping warm by working out. And there is something about that accent…

So let me confess that I once got horizontal and sweaty with David. In front of an audience.

We were in the gym that the Spurs team train at and the then-player was next to me attempting to do some of the worst sit-ups you’ve ever witnessed.

Not really twigging who he was I genuinely thought the growing number of panting ladies hanging around were also curious about his technique.

Being a fitness fascist, I leaned over to offer a word of advice. It was only when he winked and subtly gestured around at his adoring audience that I twigged. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing.

Which is why his I’m A Celeb games will be much more interesting to watch than any testicle-munching challenges.

We’ve already had an eating trial just days into the show. This consisted of scoffing cows’ teats, a large bull’s penis, raw fish eyes and a pig’s uterus. Or as the French call it “lunch”.

Which did at least stop DJ Snoochie (surely Screechy?) from saying “lit” for five seconds. Though as her main eating “treat” was a cow’s bum, I might have misheard the word.

Talking of words, did anyone know that Richard Madeley was married to a woman called Judy Finnigan? Not sure whether he’s mentioned it yet…

It’s only week one so there are some stars yet to get attention. Former Strictly judge Arlene Phillips being one of them. Though for 78, she looks like a much younger model… who at some point I’m assuming will want her face back.

Talking of being frozen, we’ve also ­already had the first “faking it” scandal with allegations that the celebs have a secret supply of hot water to keep them happy as well as being bunged cigarettes.

This has been fiercely denied by ITV, which insists that the only way campmates can access warm showers is to “pump an old boiler”.

Which is strange because I’m ­nowhere near the place.

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